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Getting LASIK in South Korea Was a Fascinating And Hilarious Journey

My latest article about getting LASIK eye surgery in South Korea has now been published in Human Parts:

That Time I Got My Eyeballs Lasered in South Korea

The teddy bear was a surprise. They dressed me in a blue robe and squirted a bucket-load of anesthetic into my eyes. Two nurses led me into a dark room where three giant X-ray machines waited. They laid me down under the first machine, placed a teddy bear on my chest, folded my arms around it, tucked me in with a blanket, and said, “Shhhhhhh.”

I looked up. A black disk, two inches in diameter, looked down at me. In the middle was a small opening, like a little mechanical butthole. The nurses circled around me, out of sight. The doctor came in. A small tool was placed into my eye to hold the lid open. Someone grabbed my head from behind.

“Don’t move.”

The butthole machine descended. It was heavy and pressed hard over my left eye. Then, suddenly, I went blind. It felt like my eyeball had been sucked up into this cold dark mechanical butthole forever and was being digested. I didn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t that.

“I’m blind!” I cried. I felt the nurse’s hands on my arms. She pressed them into the teddy bear and said, “Shhhhhhhh.”

Read the whole article in Human Parts, HERE.

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About the Author

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Columnist for Russia Beyond, author of The King of FU, & managing editor of Sexography. I have covered events as big as The World Economic Forum as a mixed-media journalist and as small as my cats chasing cockroaches around the kitchen as an aspiring humor & fiction writer.

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