Let’s Freelance This Bitch [Week 2]

Let’s Freelance This Bitch [Week 2]

My brother and I decided to quit our jobs and try to whole digital nomad thing. We both have school loans totaling about $800 a month. But, before you feel bad for us, here are the facts:

We are men. We are white. We are in our twenties, college educated and if we broke down on a street corner and cried “MOOOOMMMYY.” Our small-town Massachusetts mother would morph into a mythical beast, fly to Russia to burn our enemies and carry us home in the crux of her wing.

We are privileged as fuck.

I say this now because I’ve been traveling almost ten years and I’ve seen many travel bloggers say shit like “you can do it! It’s easy!”

Bullshit. These people are often white, middle class, from America, England or Australia, and for the most part, attractive. Not all—mind you, but sift about on these travel forums and you’ll see what I mean.

These posts are for entertainment and hopefully to provide some insight and resources for anyone else looking to do some freelance. And bored people.


SUCCESS!
Writing a script for an online shopping platform explainer video
One ghost written article for a tech-company specializing in trading platforms
Total made: $300

FAILURE:
We both had articles rejected from The Only Social. I guess we were not for them, you might say they were anti-only social. -_-
Lifestyle article on writing magical realism in Russia rejected.

Fun Stuff:
Cards Against Humanity call for card-makers (Submit before August 31, 2018):
Cards Against Humanity is putting out an open call for card makers. You submit 5 black card ideas and 15 white card ideas. We have both submitted to them. If we fail, we will post those ideas here. If we succeed, well—they pay $40 an hour so, not a bad gig. Here is the link:
https://submissions.cardsagainsthumanity.com/

Previous work:
How Russians Changed my Life [Published in Russia Beyond]
3 Insane Conversations with my Russian Girlfriend [Published in Russia Beyond]
Why Russians and Americans are not that Different [Published in Russia Beyond]
Why does Bitcoin Have Value? [Published in Hackernoon]
The Longest New York Minute [Published in Dataspaceone]
Who Owns Your Body? [Published in Dataspaceone]

RATE CARD:
Article Writing (Technology & Business)
400-600 words: $100
800-1000 words: $150
1200+ words: per project
Article Writing (Lifestyle)
$50-100 based on
Editorial Services (Creative works)
$.05 / word
Editorial Services (Technical)
$20 / hour
Copywriting for Social Media
Per Project
Resume Writing
$200
Web Content Creation
Per Project
Social Media Creation / Management
Per Project
Video Production Services
Per Project
Voice Recording
$15 per minute
[min charge for any project – Equivalent of 1 Hour]

Let’s Freelance this Bitch

Let’s Freelance this Bitch

[WEEK 1]

My brother and I live in Saint Petersburg, Russia. We recently decided to quit our jobs and try to become freelance writers, because—fuck it. There are so many blog “abouts” that say “I made a living from my laptop traveling the world. I am a digital nomad woo-hoo!” But, how easy is it, really? We don’t know yet, but we’ll find out.

Here is our Journey.


SUCCESS!

One recurring editorial client.
One script editing and voice recording with promise for future work.
One ghost written article about property management.
One Lifestyle article for Russia Beyond
One recurring job writing local guides for hotels
Total money made: $270

FAILURE!

Rejected article on “Drinking in Russia”

JUST FOR LAUGHS!

We’ve responded to ads for:
Captioning 32 pictures of cats for a series of Veterinarian holiday cards (sadly no response)
Writing a full fantasy novel for 500 bucks (also sadly no response… yet)

Previous work:
How Russians Changed my Life [Published in Russia Beyond]
3 Insane Conversations with my Russian Girlfriend [Published in Russia Beyond]
Why Russians and Americans are not that Different [Published in Russia Beyond]
Why does Bitcoin Have Value? [Published in Hackernoon]
The Longest New York Minute [Published in Dataspaceone]
Who Owns Your Body? [Published in Dataspaceone]

RATE CARD:

Article Writing (Technology & Business) 400-600 words: $100

800-1000 words: $150

1200+ words: per project

Article Writing (Lifestyle) $50-100 based on
Editorial Services (Creative works) $.05 / word
Editorial Services (Technical) $20 / hour
Copywriting for Social Media Per Project
Resume Writing $200
Web Content Creation Per Project
Social Media Creation / Management Per Project
Video Production Services Per Project
Voice Recording $15 per minute

[min charge for any project – Equivalent of 1 Hour]

Well–That was new.

Well–That was new.

The security guard in my building is old. He doesn’t smoke. He used to smoke, but not anymore; he tells me every day. His English is not very good. Now that winter is dead, he spends more time outside. He finds me there and he says, “I used to smoke, but I don’t, now.”

Then, yesterday he came to me. He said, “I remember a story. There was a smoker, a soldier. And, he was smoking. The colonel. Colonel, you know?”

I nodded, took a drag.

“Yes. A colonel, he saw a soldier smoke. And the soldier saw the colonel and he threw the cigarette away. So, the colonel comes to the soldier and he picks up the lit cigarette and he, asks ‘is this yours?’ And the soldier says, no. And the colonel says, ‘no, it is yours, I saw you.’ And the soldier denies it and tells the colonel maybe it was his but before anything a sniper shoots the colonel right in the head.”

He made a pfft sound and poked himself in the head.

“Oh,” I said. I held my cigarette at my side. The security guard pointed at it and nodded.

“So,” he said, knowingly.

I nodded. “So.” I walked and put the cigarette in the ash tray. He nodded.

“To your health,” he told me and held the door for me to go back inside.

5 Short Story Recommendations

5 Short Story Recommendations

5 Short Story Recommendations (repost from Telegram)

Hi everyone, it has been a while since I’ve made some short story recommendations. (For new people, I try to post five short stories I like, originally written in English, each week.)

“Harrison Bergeron” by Kurt Vonnegut: I went through a Vonnegut craze when I was in my early twenties. I own almost every novel he’s ever written, and I always enjoyed his short stories, this one in particular is wonderful. (also, if you’ve read ‘Sirens of Titan’ you’ll recognize some characters.

“The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe: Many of you might have already read this one. It is his most famous, but it is also an incredible piece, I’d also like to add that “The Black Cat” is another one of my favorites by him.

“I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream” by Harlan Ellison: This is a super fucked up but fucking amazing science fiction short story. If you like science fiction and you’ve got the time and are okay with being a bit disturbed, check it out.

“The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” by James Thurber: They made a whole blockbuster from this story, but it is actually quite a short story and I think it is better than the movie. If you haven’t read it, it doesn’t take long, and it is one of Thurber’s best. (and by that, I mean; it is the only James Thurber short story I’ve read.)

“Six Inches” by Charles Bukowski: Okay, so this might be the weirdest short story I’ve ever read. When I was at university we had to choose a story to read aloud to the class, I chose this one. When I finished, everyone was very disturbed and I’m pretty sure the professor just said “…right.” But, though Bukowski is known for his poetry, he pulled off some really strange and really good short stories, this being one of his best.


Let me know if you guys like these stories by commenting below.


 

Turtles All the Way Down

turtle

**Artwork by Marvel** (This fairy tale was prompted by the artwork shown above)

The Turtle was born with the world on his back.

Well–not exactly. The Turtle was born with his mother on his back, his father atop her, atop them were a series of grandfathers, grandmothers, aunts, uncles, great aunts, great uncles then great-greats of all breeds and colors and even way up at the top just below the world there was rumored to be a great-great-great. But The Turtle  felt the world on his back through it all as he pressed down upon his brothers and sisters and little cousins all below him all holding up the world all smaller–bigger–fatter. There were talkers, and snorers, and wigglers and whiners; it was turtles, all the way down.

The Turtle  was born around the time the spoon was invented. In fact the first words he ever heard trickle down from the world above were ‘you just dip it into the soup and pull it back out.’

The Turtle  had never seen a spoon. Once, before he was born, someone dropped something called a goblet, which his father always described in great detail.

‘It hit me right on the head!’ his father would call down, ‘sat there for a hundred years, couldn’t see a thing!’

It was a magical story. The Turtle  hadn’t heard it’s like, but he planned to. He waited. The world grew louder and louder and all the greats and great-greats and those above began to grow agitated and cranky. Eventually even The Turtle ‘s father would no longer tell the story of the infamous goblet.

One day while the turtles above and the turtles below whined and griped about things they’d all started referring to as ‘booms’ The Turtle  slipped away and swam up to the world’s edge. He climbed up and rolled out into the sun. Then he began to walk. He was the size of an elephant and it wasn’t long before the world took notice of him. It was a man–one at first, and then a village. They asked the turtle if it wouldn’t mind carrying their village to a nearby valley. The turtle, knowing the villagers to be much lighter than just his mother alone, accepted on one condition, they show him a spoon.

So, they did. They showed him an elegantly carved wooden spoon, a hundred years old, never used. The Turtle eyed it suspiciously and decided, “no, that is not a spoon.”

But, the villagers had already loaded themselves and their things into a great big suitcase on his back so he agreed to take them as long as they promised to show him a real spoon once they arrive in their new home. They agreed and the turtle carried them. It was not a long journey and they soon arrived in the next valley and found a town full of people. They were starving and they told the turtle that the land was no longer fit to live. They asked the turtle if he would carry them too over the next mountain. The turtled, realizing that they certainly couldn’t weigh more than a few aunts and uncles, agreed on one condition; that they show him a spoon. The townsfolk, with no food and an excess of spoons, agreed. They brought hundreds of spoons to the turtle and laid them out.

The Turtle eyed them suspiciously and decided, “no, those are not a spoons.”

But, the townsfolk had already loaded themselves and their things into the great big suitcase on his back so he agreed to take them as long as they promised to show him a real spoon once they arrive in their new home.

On the other side of the mountain they found a city, war-torn and dying. The turtle once again agreed to take them too on his back as they were no heavier than a dozen or so turtles. And again, they brought him spoons and again he did not believe them to be spoons. So, the turtle walked with the suitcase on his back until it was full of everything in the world but spoons. At the very end of the earth he found an old man with a stick who was sitting on a block of ice. By this point the turtle was very tired and he could feel that the “booms” had begun inside the suitcase on his back.

The old man on the block of ice was very cold and asked the Turtle if he might come inside the suitcase so that the turtle could take him somewhere nice and new. The turtle, who’d grown cynical and suspicious told the man that he could only come into the suitcase if he showed the Turtle a spoon. The old man, looked out at the trail of spoons behind the turtle and frowned. But he was a very wise man and so he took his stick and held it up to the turtle.

“This is a spoon,” he told the turtle and then dipped the stick into the water and pulled it back out, as you might a spoon.

At this, the turtle was so over-joyed that he fell, rolling onto his back and never could quite manage to get back up.